Mental check-in part 2

You’ve run so fast child,

So fast you didn’t remember to catch your breath

Take a break…

I remember days I flew into the sun

Got burnt because I was clouded by it being warm at first

I remember getting lost in my head

Inside the whirlwinds of “what’s gonna happen next?”

I remember the smoke

The puffs that kept me together as I was falling apart – they saved me from the pass

Held me like a glass – raised me high

Made me sip in and out of my senses – pause, look back, imagine all at once

I felt light

Or more truthfully – passed around in my delusions like a lighter

I was always somewhere without really being anywhere

Absent yet present – present yet absent

There was a time I was so heavily ensued in confusion

I compromised on the quality of my breaths

I faced debilitating moments of uncertainty

And even though I knew better,

When I was on the verge of losing sanity

I ran away from sobriety

Tried packing my thoughts in rolled brown airships and releasing them in the wind

But it only fueled my mind – it only gave more air to the fire

I tried putting it out by drinking water …

The kind that fights your throat back when you swallow

I didn’t just get burnt,

It knocked me out

The escape became the trap,

The save led me to a deeper fall,

The hope of freedom led me to my chains,

And I stayed in a situation that felt like a maze,

Ran into parts of myself that I’ve never met,

It was strange when I met change,

An unfamiliar visitor,

An unexpected visitor,

An unwelcomed visitor,

It didn’t come knocking on my door – it invited itself in

And I met me – the versions I never thought I could be

I met myself as a stranger,

I met myself anew and we started a new conversation…

“Who are you?”

And in as much as I had notes upon notes from before to refer to,

I realised I’m not the same,

I am not the person I used to be,

And I tried and tried escaping this question because I felt it a threat to identity security

But it insisted – the itch to know myself persisted

Now I’m on a new journey,

Gently and quietly asking myself,

“Who am I?”