Breakups lead to breakdowns

I watched myself and studied my pain

I wanted to be exclusive and you treated me loosely…
Like you weren’t afraid to lose me
Like I’m just a regular boy who’s indifferent from all other boys
I didn’t just want to be with you…
I wanted to be the one who’s there for you –
On the long nights when sleep goes out and comes back home late,
On rainy days when you need someone with a warm heart to hug,
Everyday…
I wanted to be with you every single day…
Not just because your smile is perfect,
Or how your body always evokes wonder in my eyes,
It wasn’t just that…
It was the way I felt happy seeing you happy,
The way your trembling voice always called me to offer a source of calm,
And I could stand in the wind – face the rain
With no complaints because I was insane
I was head over heels in delusion with you
I would brace the elements because you were the fire in my chest
You drove me out of my nest – made me discover so many parts of myself
I wanted to say thank you by being there for you
Offer myself – my hands, my heart, my love
To be yours – only yours
But you didn’t just take me – you stole me
You used your love like a switch – turned me on and off to your whim
You couldn’t keep me in a box so you stringed me along
Took me in circles yet there I was…
Compromising, covering your ass with my heart, convincing myself change is on the way
Yet you remained the same,
You kept on taking and taking and taking some more
And when you had enough you just walked out the door
Like a fool – I didn’t realise I’d been used
I was obsessed with you and even if it were true – I’d still give myself to you
So I looked for you – I called the first time,
I called the second time,
I texted to ask what I’d done wrong and you ignored,
I waited…
I actually sat down and waited – like a concerned lover whose lover wasn’t yet home
I’d stare at my phone waiting for a call, a text – anything that came with your name,
Night turned into day – days turned into weeks
You were nowhere to be seen
Then I realised …
I wasn’t your lover and you weren’t capable of offering me love
I had to suck it in and accept the situation for what it is
I got lost in your tangles and now I’m free
My heart is once again mine to handle.

Advertise

•