from a child's perspective

It's stained ...

My memories are stained 

Waking up to a mother screaming for help in the middle of the night

Watching her get beat by a man who calls me son

A man who I could never get myself to call father 

Because are you...Even man?

When you invade a household and bring chaos to the table?

When you sell a persona that you can no longer keep up after one drink?

When you dare make a child feel unsafe under the only roof they know...

I remember being entranced by death

The silence of it

Maybe I'd finally be able to get some quiet when I'm six feet under

Quiet that was a foreign concept in that house

It was loud...

The noise was always loud

Why are your voices so loud?

Too loud to hear me asking you to stop...

They're the ones who taught me hate 

Sadly in as much as I hated the perpetrator

Hated his demeanor, his presence and his mannerisms

Despicable in all possible capacities

I ended up despising the victim

Because this is all your fault!

You did this

You let him in 

You brought a man to fuck both you and your child up

And I hold that against you - not him

You failed me

You failed to protect me 

Why?

Because a son needs a male figure to show him exactly what insecurity is

A man to show him how to be reckless and disrespect women

A man who'll deprive him of his mother

Crazy how they fuck you up when young

Because when you grow up you realise that you have to take responsibility for shit that isn't yours