Numbing the pain

I always thought it was unconditional,

Unwavering

Unbreakable

Unending...

I never knew a line existed

A line that, if crossed, would change the dynamics

A line that would take away your acceptance from me

Make you disown me...

Say I'm not your own and

Throw me out of the place I called home

I always thought that the truth was the greatest gift we could ever share with the persons we love

Open up ourselves, peel back our layers - our armour of protection, expose our vulnerable...

Because we want to show ourselves whole without any filters

I never knew that the truth would make me attacked

I never knew that sharing what I considered beautiful would make you look at me like that...

With raging eyes sparkling with disgust and an unpleasant hue of disappointment

And the aura of love that I always felt from you disappeared just like that

It all became cold

For the first time,

I felt fear when I looked into your eyes

My symbol of safety, my personified image of protection ...

Was the same person who caused me harm

Became the first person who ever punched me in the face

And as if my bleeding nose wasn't enough

You buried your fingers inside my hair - pulled my head back hard

And told me how I mean nothing to you anymore

I remember how it felt

I remember how it all felt

When you especially pushed against my chest and knocked me down

I remember wondering how 20 years of you telling me "I love you" ended up to this

With me crying on the floor as you're dragging me out of the only roof I've ever known

It's crazy how the person who always made me feel seen, valued and taken care of was the same person who degraded me most...