Confessions

Ma- I started popping pills...

I started knocking glasses back and pushing alcohol down my gut.

Ma- I've smoked weed,

And I know how that sounds and what it means...

But I'm more scared that I have to admit that I actually liked it.

Mom- I donno if you know but I've been having xxx for the last couple of years now,

I've allowed people to touch me like that just because I discovered how good it makes me feel...

And I just don't know how something that makes me feel so wonderful can be wrong and not right,

Mom- I started going out to clubs,

I've started staying out till late and walking the streets at night,

I'm not peddling drugs or hoeing myself out or anything...

But I love the feel of the night , I love the night life aesthetic and how everything just feels more calm and personal,

I love how the breeze and the air feels different at night and I love how my mind comes to life in the dark.

Ma- I'm not so very conservative as you taught me over the years...

Not in my thoughts and not in how I present myself in public spaces.

I became the ratchet friend,

I'm the one who has a nasty tongue and general demeanor,

I'm the one who supports bad behaviour 100% because I believe if it's fun you should go for it.

And I donno what's really happening mom- but turning a decade older just has me looking at myself different,

I'm acknowledging how different of a person I've become,

And I'm positive and open as to the process and see whom I'm yet to become...

A renowned poet maybe,

A black Bill Gates in the making?

A soul who couldn't give af preferably...

But mom- I'm looking at adulthood straight in the eye and I'm scared...

I'm scared that from now on I'll be the one taking myself to the hospital,

I'm scared that you won't hold my hand and be there with me on the first day of work,

I'm scared of the independence and amount of responsibility that comes with this-mom

And I'm scared that you'll no longer be the first person I come to and tell how my day has been.

In hindsight tho...

This is me paying homage to the journey that has been,

This is to the new road that this journey has led to,

This is to the prayer that we've been praying for years ...

That we gon be alright,

That we'll be just fine,

And we gon make it - even though sometimes it feels like we won't

Here's to us and the far we've come 🥂