🕳️

I lost people...

People I wish I didn't lose

I lost expectations...

Expectations of happiness - of loving and being loved right back

I lost the future...

I got lost in the past and can't even make sense of the present

I lost my mind...

Lost my sanity, lost my own voice to louder voices, unending unwarranted thoughts that I can't even control

I lost my heart...

Trauma keeps pumping inside my veins

And my body aches

I'm in pain but I'm not bleeding...

I have nothing to show for my pain

I can't even tell a proper story on what happened

I can't explain how I got hurt

The scars are in my eyes...

How I can never see clearly because the tears are so persistent on blinding me

The wounds are in my ears...

How I can never hear anyone when they dare try to tell me that I'll be okay -

I won't be okay

The trauma is in my hands...

How I can't hold anyone anymore

I'm scared of having another person's skin come into contact with mine

I bared it all - put my open arms out there

And I hugged the cold

How do I give myself and give you the generosity to share me like that...

Like I'm not sacred

Like I'm dispensable

Like I'm just an ordinary boy and you could do so much better